thehighfructoseadventuresofannoyingorangefandomcom-20200214-history
Founding Fruits (transcript)
(The episode begins with the fruit cart out on the street and Orange blowing on a whistling pinwheel, while the other fruits ask him to stop, meanwhile, Watermelon has a lit fuse on him) Watermelon: Man, what a beautiful day. Orange: Whoa, Watermelon. Watermelon: Makes a watermelon glad to be alive and- (sniffing) Hey, what's that smell? Aah, sweet mother of fruit, it's me! (Watermelon explodes and screams as he lit's off the fireworks in him, the fruits cheer) Golden Delicious: Watermelon go boom, am I right? Orange: Whoa, Watermelon really had a short fuse. (laughs) Watermelon: I hate this holiday. Orange: Hey, hey, Nerville, what's with all the patriotic decorations and exploding watermelons? Nerville: Uh, it's Independence Day, when we humans celebrate the founding of our country by launching explosives into the air until 4:00 in the morning. Orange: Wow, that sounds awesome. I wish we fruits had a day like that. Grandpa Lemon: We do. Orange: Hey, Grandpa Lemon, there's a bird's nest on your head. (laughs) Grandpa Lemon: It's not a bird's nest. It's a powered wig. Orange: Tell that to the parakeet. (laughs) (a parakeet lays it's eggs on Grandpa Lemon's wig) Grandpa Lemon: Shoo, fiend. Uh, get out of here. Nerville: Ooh, are you gonna eat those? Grandpa Lemon: No, you can have them. Nerville: Thanks. (Nerville takes the eggs and smashes them on his forehead, Orange laughs) Grandpa Lemon: Back in the 1700s, our founding fruit fathers wore wigs just like this one. And I wear it every year to honor them on Fruitdependence Day. Orange: Fruit-de-what'd you say? Grandpa Lemon: Fruitdependence Day. It's the most important fruit holiday there is. Orange: Huh? Never heard of it. Nerville: Are you guys for real? Even I've heard of that, although I do talk to fruit. Grandpa Lemon: What is wrong with our educational system that you young whipper-citrus don't know your own history? Coconut: What's a whipper-citrus? Grapefruit: What's history? Orange: What's an educational system? Grandpa Lemon: Asked and answered. Nerville: Sounds like Grandpa Lemon needs to school you guys. Orange: School? Yuck. (Nerville turns the fruit cart knob to a book then he pulls a lever which opens a hole in the cart that launches a book into the air and it crushes Apple turning him to mush) Nerville: Ooh, my bad. That's um… that's my bad. Grandpa Lemon: As the great Benjamin Franklemon once said, "Those things that hurt instruct." Orange: Whoa, was Benjamin Franklemon fluent in gibberish? Grandpa Lemon: Sure was. Nerville: Hmm, think I need to adjust the torque. (Nerville pulls a lever which activates a boxing glove to punch him in the face, Nerville goes into a state of unconsciousness and passes out, a Fruitdependence Day flag is risen down as Grandpa Lemon tells the story) Grandpa Lemon: Fruitdependence Day is when we celebrate the freedom of our fruit nation, the greatest fruit nation that ever existed, the United Fruits of Amerifruit. (the American Fruit History book magically opens to a page that dates back to 1722) Grandpa Lemon: It all started in England, where fruit was and still is used primarily as an underarm deodorant and worse. (the fruit ancestors are disgust at what there seeing, back to the present) Grandpa Lemon: And if that wasn't bad enough, the fruits were under the tyrannical rule of weird King George the Grapefruit. Ancestor Orange: King George? More like King Engorged. (laughs) 'Cause you're fat. King George the Grapefruit: I'm not fat; I'm a grapefruit. Ancestor Orange: A fat grapefruit. (laughs) Ancestor Midget Apple: (laughs) It's funny 'cause it's true. King George the Grapefruit: That's not fat; it's muscle. To prove it, I hereby decree that all subjects must watch me flex 24 hours a day. Guards, block the door! (vegcoats enter the room, King George the Grapefruit grunts as he tries to flex his muscles, the fruits scream in horror, even the vegcoats are horrified at watching this, eventually, King George the Grapefruit hurts his testicles) King George the Grapefruit: (groans) And a hernia. Onion Vegcoat: I'm out of here. (the vegcoats leave the room) Ancestor Pear: Hey, no one's guarding the door. (the fruit ancestors escape) King George the Grapefruit: Hey, where'd everybody go? Grandpa Lemon: Seizing their opportunity, they headed for the New World. (the fruits cheer as they have escaped England, unfortunately, the fruits are under attack by seagull pirates) Captain Seagull Argh! Ar-Argh! There be fruit for our bellies. (the fruits scream in horror and are captured by the seagulls, back to the present) Grandpa Lemon: No one survived. (the fruits scream in terror) Grandpa Lemon: I never said it would be pretty. Our history often involves horrible seagull attacks. STOP SCREAMING! (the fruits stop screaming) Orange: So, if everyone got eaten, how did our ancestors get to America? Grandpa Lemon: Fortunately, we fruits have a clever survival mechanism. After the seagulls devoured everyone, they flew over this new land and planted the seeds of our forefathers. Captain Seagull: Stay on target. Stay on target. Bombs away. (the seagulls poop lands in a forest which also hits a deer and a bear) Deer: Oh, that's totally gonna stain. Grandpa Lemon: And New Fruitland was born, uh, from poop. But King George heard tell of the good life the fruits were living in the New World, and he became jealous. King George the Grapefruit: Those colonists think they can not watch me flex and get away with it? Ha! (King George the Grapefruit and Ancestor Midget Apple go to the dock) Grandpa Lemon: So, he put tacks on the fruit. (King George the Grapefruit spits out tacks) King George the Grapefruit: Who's your daddy now? (chuckles) (King George the Grapefruit spits out more tacks that make their way to New Fruitland and attack the fruit ancestors, the fruits scream in pain and suffering) Ancestor Golden Delicious: I don't find it so unpleasant. (lots of tacks hit Ancestor Golden Delicious and screams in pain, back to the present) Grandpa Lemon: In the summer of 1776, Orange Washington decided he had enough. Orange Washington: I've had enough of these tacks… es. (the fruit ancestors agree with Orange Washington) Orange Washington: Let's show King George the Engorged what we think of his tacks… es. Quick, someone grab a camera and take a picture of me doing this. Na, na, na, na, na… Ancestor Passion Fruit: Camera's don't exist yet. Orange Washington: Oh, then we'll do the next best thing. We'll write him an angry letter. (the last tack hits Orange Washington which makes him groan) Ancestor Nerville: '(writing "The Declaration of Fruitdependence") "We hold these truths to be self-evident..." (Scoffs) That's stupid! What do you got? '''Orange Washington: '"King George is a Chubby Chubbikins". 'Ancestor Pear: '''No. "That all fruits are created equal". '''Orange Washington: '''Oh, yeah. That's good. "All fruits are created equal... except for apples. (laughs) '''Ancestor Apple: '''Huh? I don't get it. '''Orange Washington: '''That's 'cause you're an apple. (laughs) '''Ancestor Nerville: '(laughs) Classic, Orange. '''Grandpa Lemon: '''Many tedious hours later, they had drafted the Declaration of Fruitdependence. '''King George: I agree about the apples, but the rest of this document makes my juice boil! Ancestor Midget Apple: Shall we draft a response? King George: No! Send in the Vegcoats! Grandpa Lemon: King George sent his vegetable army to teach the colonists a lesson. seagulls laugh and peck off the Vegcoats) They all got eaten. (the fruits scream in terror again) Are you all done? Orange: No. (they continue screaming) Okay. Now we're done. Please continue, Grandpa Lemon. Grandpa Lemon: '''-The colonists knew King George's army would arrive eventually. '''Ancestor '''Nerville: '''Oh man,oh man,oh man,oh man,oh, man,oh man,oh man,oh man,oh man! I'm freaking out! What's the signal again? Category:Transcript